How not to treat the person looking after your parents

Family Opinion Personal

A Family That Should Be Ashamed By The Treatment Of It's Own

Unfortunately last year my maternal nanan/grandmother died & since then my mum's quality of life has gone downhill… let me explain.

About 5 years ago my maternal grandparents were at a stage in their life when it wasn't really possible for them to live in their two-storey house by themselves any more. My mum and dad took the decision to put their live's on hold and move in with them. They gave up the flat that they rented, moved in with them and they began a new life in the conservatory and the small bedroom they now had.

This meant that my grandparents could carry on living in the house they moved into when they arrived in Barnsley over 50 years ago and they had both physical and emotional support.

It has to be said that it wasn't easy for my parents to give up their existing lives; put everything on hold and become full time carers. They now had many extra responsibilities and my grandparents could only be left on their own for very little (if any) time by themselves such was the support that they needed.

Quote about inheritence

So true!

After a period of time of being really bad my grandad/grandfather died on the 15th November, 2012, leaving my mum; dad and nanan. Things were ok for a while and then came the news that my mum and dad were splitting up after my dad admitted that he had been having an affair. This left just my mum and nanan but unfortunately this didn’t last long and my nanan died shortly after on the 20th June last year (2015).

What seems like as soon as my nanan passed the hassle began for my Mum over my nanan (and grandad)'s will. This stated that my mum could live in the house that was now her home for as long as she wanted rent free. A few of my mum's siblings have pressured my mum into selling the house as soon as possible no matter the price it brings. It has to be said that this pressure was applied in a passive-aggressive way and with no thought for my mum's feelings; financial situation or health and although many of the family are in the building trade there has been very little work done; even though only a small amount of work would increase the property value.

The situation has now gotten so bad that my mum just wants to get rid of the house and the stress is causing several ongoing health issues to get worse.

The pressure applied by several people to sell the house has changed my perception of them quite a bit. It was my parents and nobody else who offered to move in with them. If it had been up to a few others then my nanan and grandad would have had no support or had to live in a nursing home. It was my parents who moved and and the stress of putting their own lives on hold ultimately cost them their marriage. Despite this my mum has stayed strong and is being repaid by her own family with a total lack of gratitude for the sacrifices she has made.

I personally feel that the members of the family should be ashamed of how they have treated one who gave such a personal sacrifice to care for the major figure-heads of the family empire “for something as common as money” (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, 2005).

Let me be clear: My family and I are not blameless in all of this! Although my mum knows that if ever she needs us we will be there for her, we don't spend anywhere near as much time with my mum as we should do. My wife and I work at least 60 hours each per week (including work at night at home and work at weekends) and by the time weekend comes we are shattered and we just want to spend time relaxing at home chilling out with our son. Most weeks we have very good intentions of visiting my mum but these never come to fruition for a variety of reasons. We have also been living on our own for many years and have learned to be very independent (as one is supposed to be when one has had a career in the army).

We were however all prepared to offer my mum a place in our home if things came to the worst (I am not sure if we actually did or not): we had the housing arrangements all sorted and everything but mum wants to go back to being independent so there you go.

As always I would really like your thoughts: Do you agree with me that people should be ashamed or can you see an alternative viewpoint?

And Another Thing #4… Jeremy Clarkson


What? Are you kidding me? With so much going on in the world at the moment why has Jeremy Clarkson got 2nd bill on the 10 o’clock news?

Ok. Let’s get started! Last week Jeremy Clarkson [allegedly] punched a producer and everybody including David Cameron is calling for him to be re-instated.

Let’s get this straight; if he is found guilty and then re-instated then he will be getting away with Gross misconduct and some sort of criminal assault. Because he is famous and brings in an estimated £50m for the BBC he is possibly to be allowed to get away with assault whilst already on a final warning. Be warned: If he gets away with it this time he will know that he is to be allowed to get away with whatever he likes.

Add to this over half of a million people signing to have him re-instated. Can you imagine of that many people got involved in a political debate or petition?

On to you. Do you want him re-instated? Do you think he should get away with it or do you just think it’s a big kerfuffal over nothing?

Brits fighting the terrorist in Syria


First of all: I wish that people wouldn’t call them Islamic State or even “The so called Islamic State” (yes I’m looking at you BBC). In a few years they will say “We have been known as the Islamic State for years now by everyone” and I believe they will use that name to try and legitimise stolen land.

OK, onto the main crux of the post. It’s about British men going over to fight alongside the Kurdish Peshmerga. It may surprise many of you to learn that I totally get where they are coming from. I agree with one of those fighters who draws parallels with the Nazis. It is a analogy that I would never normally use but with the public fear they thrive on and the recent incident of historical genocide that is destroying the ancient ruins that pre-date Christ there is no doubt in my mind that these people need to be stopped. Of course the smashing of ruins has no comparison with some of the violent acts which they have performed.

Before I continue I will say that the reason I believe this is not the way forward is that no matter how much one disagrees with things once cannot simply pick-up arms in a foreign country and go to fight in their wars. It is not the way things are done. We have a democratic government. I disagree with our policies but the way to change them is by voting with your feet; not by picking up a rifle and killing people we do not like in unsanctioned action. Sympathy wise I have only a little more sympathy for the ones who go to fight alongside the Peshmerga that the ones who go to fight alongside the terrorists. Either way you cannot simply go off to a war that is not legally ours and not expect consequences (if you survive the war).

I am proud of my service in Iraq and Afghanistan for a reason: We were helping people! Many people will disagree with that and they were not there to see the roads lined with people who could have just as easily stayed and hidden in their houses but they didn’t. There were many places I visited where we were treated like heroes (In Iraq at least). It is that very same pride that allows me to say that I understand why these people are going over there. One cannot just stand by and watch as thousands of people are being terrorised and killed by a terrorist force and do nothing.

I also agree with one of the fighters that the response from our government has been shameful. I publicly said several years back (before there was a rebel force in Syria) that we should have gone in there and taken it to the Syrian regime. I stand by that announcement and I also think that during the “Arab Spring” the West was very quick to tell the people of the countries ruled by a iron fist that they could stand up for themselves and we would back them. The West did that because it looked like it worked in Egypt so why not in other countries (in my opinion) but when it didn’t work out we (the West) just left them to it.

I am currently ashamed to be part of a society that has such an attitude. We cannot just leave people to be slaughtered and do nothing. That is not the reason I joined or stayed in the British Army. It is not the reason I volunteered to go on and stay on as many Operation Tours as I could whilst I was in the British Army.

Saying that if these terrorists were indeed a recognised state then we (the UK at least) would simply throw some sanctions at them (don’t get me started on our lack of backbone against Putin)!

What do you think? Over to you. Do you have sympathy for those going over to fight alongside the Peshmerga or not?

Enough rambling. As usual I have overstayed my welcome on this post

And Another Thing #3… MovieTube


Today I came across a site called MovieTube (I am not going to provide a link as it will increase their SEO stats). It is billed as site that allows you to watch new films for free and most importantly LEGAL. I have searched on the internet for 20 minutes or so to see if this is actually legal or not and although I have found many answers such as

If a person steals fireworks and sets them off in the city centre is it illegal to watch them?

Which is a completely ludicrous analogy. I have not found an answer that I am comfortable with such as from a Lawyers site. The most definitive answer I have found was from the MoneySavingExpert site that is more in-line with my thinking.

It may very well be legal to watch these movies but there is one major obstacle stopping me from doing so…I have morals!

Think about it for a minute or two. Millions of pounds are spent on these Movies and the related marketing. Who cares how much the stars of the movie are on; the fact is that  they have worked legally for their income.

Somebody does the equivalent of taking a video recorder into a cinema (or pictures as I still call it) and recording a film them putting it on the internet. Just because the MovieTube site does not host the videos themselves does not make it right. This site was specifically set up in order to facilitate illegal activity.

Watching films from this site may very be legal but morally it is an outrageous thing to do!

Some of you may remember several years ago when people were sent notices because their IP address had been used to listen to pirated content that was supposed to be “legal”. The very same thing may happen to viewers of MovieTube once the lawyers catch up.

What do you think. Is it moral or immoral – why do you think it's moral or immoral?